And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
