you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's never too late to be topless.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
