every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
