seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
