I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
