I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
