Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
