I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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