Me too!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
