omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
