Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
