I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
