I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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