Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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