but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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