I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
