Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
