hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Farmville is her only friend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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