I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
