im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
