how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
