we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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