Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
