and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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