Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
