Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
