Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't turn off my feet"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
