i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
