Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
