TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
