NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
