Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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