I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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