The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
