if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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