8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
