That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
