there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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