I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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