If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
