I'm gonna have a badass scar
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
