I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
