today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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