Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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