Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
