Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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