the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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