covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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