I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
