My first STD was from a foam party
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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