i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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