I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How's work?
Spinning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
