i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
