Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
