I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
