she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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