Your mouth is God's brothel.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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