she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
