I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
