I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize