ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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