Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
