we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
