he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i believe in u and ur pee
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
