my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
