I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
