There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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