theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
