Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
