I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize