Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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