So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
