Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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