just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
