yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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