WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
