So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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