we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
