Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
