Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
