dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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