If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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