Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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